[today’s run: 3.4 miles]
I’m sure there are many ways that I have failed my children. I think one of the biggest was to avoid talking about sex.
No, I’m not going to get into anything specific in this blog.
But, I remember growing up how everything was mysterious and overbearing. Now that I’m on the far side of 50, it seems like a lot of energy was wasted. A lot of anxiety.
There are two ways to look at that. One is to go the “sexual revolution” way and just wave my hands and say that sex is good if it feels good, or is honest, or whatever. No guilt, just go.
I think we can see from the last 60 years of history that it doesn’t really work that way, particularly when children come along. You can’t say, “Oh, I’m not hurting you, you’re not hurting me, we can do whatever we want.” There are always other people in the picture and they do get hurt. Because sex is more than just a puppy wanting a tummy rub. There is a spiritual dimension to it, like Solomon said in the book of Proverbs. God said that people in a sexual relationship “become one flesh” and it is difficult to understand that. But there is more to it than a casual encounter.
The first thing I would tell my children is that sex is powerful and in some ways mysterious.
The second thing is to reassure them that everyone I know has “messed up” in some way about sex. That doesn’t mean that everyone is an adulterer, just that everyone has problems with sex just like they have problems always telling the truth or never stealing (money, time, pencils from the office supplies).
And the third thing follows closely after: that problems with sex are handled like other problems, with repentance (change), apology, restitution, seeking forgiveness. Nobody has committed any big sexual sins against me so I don’t want to make light of the damage that can involve. But I think the general pattern is the same.
And the fourth thing, and last for now, is that sex and love are not the same thing. The rock and roll songs all use “love” when they mean sex. We try to convince ourselves that sex is simple. Love is definitely not simple. My favorite book is about love, The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis. So much of the social dance about sex is really the opposite of love, it is trying to “hit” on somebody, steal home plate, taking, using and abusing. Because in the end, we don’t believe that God wants us to be sexually happy or will put any effort into meeting our sexual needs. The Bible says, “for my God shall supply all your needs” Ask God to fill your sexual needs just like you would ask him to help you meet the rent, find a job, heal a sickness or quit a bad habit.